“I have been used by my lover”

“My loved ones took me for granted. They took advantage of me”

“I even lost myself in love. What a fool I was!!”

“I cannot trust/enjoy new relations anymore”

Sometimes these past relationships leave everlasting wounds and mistrust. We believe that we went into a relationship with an open heart and true emotions, everything was going right, and then suddenly something went wrong and the relationship ended. We feel that in exchange for our true feelings, we only got betrayal. This makes us mistrustful toward others (“no one can be trusted anymore!”). These beliefs & associated feelings continue to hurt us more than anything else, as we close ourselves to enjoying any relationship.

The reality is when we got into a relationship, we both were enjoying it. The biggest factors that make a relationship enjoyable is to trust and be trusted, to love and be loved, to respect and be respected. So, till such time, others could provide this trust, love, and respect they were with us. Everything stayed true and enjoyable till one of the parties became incapable of reciprocating trust, love, and respect – and this marks the end of a relationship.

The end of any relationship is always messy – people say or do things that they wouldn’t do otherwise. The antidote is to retain happy memories of your relations – after all, it was real and had enjoyable moments. Do not focus on the feelings after ‘the break-up’, as you will risk closing yourself to enjoying and demonstrating your true feelings in a new relationship.

So, as you start a new relationship:

• Do not carry the baggage of your past relationship(s)
• Start your new relationship with full trust
• Be your natural self and enjoy

We can talk more about this! Reach out to me as I can coach you on relationship dynamics.

As you nurture smiles in your relations, Stay Healthy and Stress-free!!!

"He who is unable to live in a society, or who has no need because he is sufficient for himself, must be either a beast or a god" - Aristotle

To begin our discussion about our relationship with the society, I consider it mandatory to mention the great ancient Greek philosopher and polymath, Aristotle. Those who have never read about Aristotle might wonder how an ancient Greek philosopher is relevant in the modern world of today!

Aristotle is famous for his significant contributions into every aspect of life. He describes a human being as a social creature, i.e. a human being, according to Aristotle, cannot lead a good life in solitude.

Today,I would like to tell you about an incident which gave me a new perspective to my life.

I visited my childhood friend, Nikhil after almost a decade, on his father’s 87^th birthday. Nikhil works as a General Manager for a large corporation in India. For a very long time, he had been trying to tackle certain grave conflicts at his workplace, with his friends as well as within his family. For his father’s birthday, he had decided to host a grand party and was secretly hoping that his initiatives might improve his relationship with his parents.

As I spoke to him in the party, I realized that Nikhil had been struggling on every front; his days and nights were all about complaining, harboring negativity and despondency. Our conversation was filled with negativity. This was when his old-aged father joined us – he sat quietly and heard us through the remainder of our talks.

And then the wise, old man spoke to Nikhil -

“Nikhil, tell me honestly, have you ever considered recognizing yourself apart from the roles you play; of a father, a son, a General Manager, or a friend? Have you ever looked at yourself from a third person’s perspective? Each of those around you reacts to you as per what they see. Have you tried to see what they see? I have been searching for Nikhil for a very long time. I only get to meet the GM. You create your world. The reactions people give you is a reflection of who they see - if they see a humble and warm person they react accordingly and  if they see an arrogant, self-involved person then they react that way.

Look at how you interact with people and I can guarantee things will change...”

Nikhil was taken aback by his father’s words. He went quiet for the next few hours. He called me next day morning and told me his father’s words had really made an impact on him. From that day onwards, Nikhil had started to focus on his behavior, and leading his life differently, for better.

I met him a year later, he was a smiling happy and a very cool guy – someone who looked similar to the Nikhil I had known from my childhood.

What are the recurring questions on this subject in our minds? Let’s find out.

1). How Can the Society Shape My Life?

Our beliefs and opinions are all placed as per the surroundings we have lived in. An ignorant mass of human beings tend to produce an ignorant human being, and an awakened group of people nourishes and often produces an awakened intellectual. Your surroundings & environment play a major role in shaping up your life. A positive environment automatically enhances your creativity, and a negative one pulls you into a pit of inaction and complaint. However, let me call this trait of society not a characteristic but a tendency. It is in your hands whether or not can you maintain a healthy relationship with your environment, take out the good from it and leave the rest.

2) Can I Change my Conditions? How?

• Gratitude and Appreciation: Two Pillars of a Happy Life

Before you begin your day, think back to the things that have contributed to your life. Understanding other’s contribution increases gratitude for everything you have in your life. Colleagues, fellow travelers, juniors, seniors, friends, family, or house-helps, everyone around you shall cherish an appreciative remark once in a while. Make the person next to you smile;good vibes shall comeback to you.

• Align your Mission with your Vision

Your life needs to have a mission as well as a vision. Mission is your personal goal, however, vision refers to a greater good. The universe, i.e. surroundings plays the most important role in your success. All success stories of today have a vision of a greater good, of providing the society with something for its betterment, hence the universe responds in a similar way.

From the endless list of practical and running examples for the same, Tesla stations itself as a global leading automotive firm, with a vision,

Tesla, with its beautiful vision of gifting an absolute pollution-free environment to the society is the core reason for its tremendous success.

• Do Not Let Social Anxiety Get the Better of You

Through my previous blog series on the Law of attraction, I tried to make my readers realize that you control everything in your life. Begin with working on your physical as well as mental health, maintain a diary for daily productivity and gradually break out of your cocoon. The world is ready to accept you the way you are; all you need to do is make the first move!

• Know the Bigger Picture

Pick your battles. Every time you’re about to get into a conflict with anyone, pause for a second and ask yourself, “Will my reaction here help me in future?” If the answer is no, take a deep breath and move on. 

It is important to look at yourself from the perspective of the society to maintain a healthy relationship with the same. Healthy relationships lead to a healthy mind, further leading to realization of personal dreams of success and happiness and your happiness flows through the society you live in.

The More you Give, The More comes back to You – giving momentum to your Vision.

Spread Joy! Stay Healthy and Stress-free! 

"There is not a word yet, for old friends who've just met" - Jim Henson

‘Brother from another mother’; ’Bestie’; ‘Cobber’, or ‘Buddy’, so many different ways to name a heartfelt bond of friendship! Cultures change, the importance of fruitful relationships remains the same.

 I’m sure you must have, sometime or the other in your life, met someone and felt as if you’ve known them for years! Some people click in an instant, and the others might take years to open up to each other. In the end, all what matters is a beautiful bond of friendship that blooms with time.

Some of you might have been interested in the concept of soulmates! On digging deep, we realize that ‘the soulmate theory’ is not limited to romantic relationships. Famous American psychiatrist Brian Weiss, through his varied works in the same field came to a conclusion that in one life, one person may have numerous soulmates; some might never meet, some people might get married to one of their soulmates, some might be parents or children to their soulmates and some might just end up being the best of friends.

How interesting is the thought that your friend might in fact be your soulmate!

But, does this statement idealize the relationship in your head? Every relationship, no matter how strong it is, is never really a cakewalk. As they say, change is the only constant, relationships along with personalities themselves, are bound to transform over time. Things may turn extremely sour, or turbulent; what matters is how you deal with the same.

According to me, the sole reason that acts as damage to the foundation of friendship or any relationship is quivers in the structure of loyalty. Every relationship is based on love as well as truth.  Before I get into the ways to deal with conflicts in friendships, let me pen down a story of the Greek legend, Socrates, who was known to be the most knowledgeable entities of all time!

In ancient Greece, once a man came to Socrates, excited to tell him something he recently learnt about Socrates’ friend.  Before he vented it out, Socrates asked him to pass his Triple Filter Test. Shocked and confused, the man asked Socrates that why does he have to pass a test? Socrates humbly replied, “Before you talk to me about my friend, it might be a good idea to take a moment and filter what you’re going to say.”

The man, still confused, asked him what he was supposed to do. Socrates delineated three criteria before listening to the ‘gossip’ the man was about to share.

• Truthfulness

Socrates asked the man, “Are you sure what you’re going to tell me is the truth?” The man replied negatively, saying he wasn’t very sure, since he’d heard it through another person altogether.

• Goodness

Socrates asked the man, “Are you going to tell me something good about my friend?” The man replied negatively, again.

• Usefulness

Socrates asked the man, “Whatever you’re going to tell me, is it going to be useful for me?” The man replied negatively, yet again.

Here, Socrates refused to listen to the man. “If what you want to tell me is neither true nor good nor even useful, why tell it to me at all?” Socrates concluded.

The story, however, does not advocate blind trust. Wisdom is the key to maintaining good relationships.

Following are the elements that will eliminate conflicts in friendships.

#1 Nil score on Betrayal

Are you enjoying weaving or entertaining stories about your friend which are not entirely true? If yes, you’re misleading yourself and your friend. Put a check upon yourself before it is too late. However, do not keep yourself from being truthful about your feelings. Your opinion matters for your friendship, and communication is the key to work out everything.

#2 Find the Time

As harsh as it sounds, relationships need to be watered if you genuinely want them to bloom. It does not matter how frequently you see your friend. Keeping in touch has numerous other ways. Think about sending them an inspirational gift sometime, it is one way of letting your friend know that they’re always in your thoughts! Remember to appreciate your friend’s presence in your life. Spending too much time together can also be annoying at times; as they say, absence makes the heart grow fonder.

#3 No room for Jealousy

Beautiful relationships go hand in hand with the urge to grow together. If your friend’s promotion hurts you more than it makes you happy, you need to re-think upon your bond with them. If as a friend, they’ve been comfortable sharing with you their deep dark secrets, they should also be comfortable enough to share their success stories as well as their failures. 

#4 Ensure you are in Good Company

“What is your friend that you should seek him with hours to kill? Seek him always with hours to live."

- Kahlil Gibran (The Prophet)

True friend helps you get over your anxiety and fears, encourages you and shows you the better path. Recognize the energy you share with your friend. Ask yourself if you’re creating positivity or negativity out of the hours you spend together. Remember, friendships help you grow into a better human being. In case, you’re regressing, it is better to talk it out, or take a step back.

Friendship has the ability to shape your life. Work towards keeping the correct people in your life, and in decisive times, keep the Triple Filter Test in your mind.

Stay tuned for my next blog on societal conflicts.

Till then, Cherish the blessings of Friendship! Stay Healthy and Stress-free!  

Today’s era is all about industrialization and numerous technological advancements. Corporate culture has been established to a great extent. With long work hours, and varied targets, most of us spend more than a third of our lives at our workplaces.

Conflicts at work are common points of concern. In this blog, I will be giving out a few simple secrets to bring your life at work on track! But before that, let me tell you a story I read back in school:

Once upon a time, there existed a jungle where lived passionate and creative animals! They had all come together to form a company, and worked day and night to live life fruitfully!  

The Old Lion had been elected the head. He, being the boss, was given the right to pull-up anyone in case a task was left undone. Their business was on a rise, until ego clashes began to emerge within the team. The Falcon, of all people, did not quite like the way the lion worked. However, the falcon was always scared of reaching out to the Old Lion. The Falcon was best friends with the Vulture and they often gossiped about the boss and the other team members. The Falcon, though being the most innovative member of the team, could never reach out to the Lion, fearing his position. Months went by, and the Falcon kept drowning in negativity and wasting his time and energy.

The Falcon had erased every possibility of a communication between himself and the Old Lion. Little did he know that he was about to get the biggest shock of his life.

In a few months, the Old Lion fell ill, and passed away. He was replaced by another talented member of the team, the Vulture himself! The Vulture was chosen by fellow team members.

Now, what do you think was the Falcon’s reaction? Which set of thoughts did he choose?

A or B?

To the Falcon’s misfortune, he chose B! The Falcon was bereft with jealousy, and his friendship turned bitter. This led to another blow to his goodwill and enthusiasm, and he stepped on the boat towards failure. The Falcon had repeatedly bad mouthed about the boss to the Vulture in the past; hence, the Vulture couldn’t develop trust in the Falcon as an employee. Eventually, the Falcon ended up resigning from his post.

Moral of the story?

Our career largely depends upon our relationships at work. Hence, let me tell you 5 simple ways to maintain smooth workplace relationships.

1) Begin Your Day with Gratitude!

Oprah Winfrey says, “Be thankful for what you have, you’ll end up having more. If you focus on what you don’t have, you will never have enough.” Be thankful for the job you have at hand, because it feeds you and gives you an opportunity to grow in life. Gratitude in heart, leads to a display of gratitude in action. Give out positive, and attract the same!

2) Treat Time Valuably!

Consistently showing up late at work is a big no-no! Your actions are an evidence of your enthusiasm. If your boss fails to acknowledge you, close your eyes, and brush upon the basics. Have you been up-to-date with your work? Learn to manage your time well and engrain punctuality in your way of life. Repair the damages while you have time.

3) Take Initiatives!

In times of conflict with your manager, we often find ourselves confused and dangling in the middle of two thoughts:

You’ll never get to know the other side of the story until you take initiatives to communicate. Establish a nexus to better understand the work strategies of your boss. Suggest and learn, and keep the cycle running.

However, keep a check when you’re crossing your limits. A healthy professional relationship requires both patience and wisdom. Draw a line where you find yourselves divulging too much of your life and your personal opinion in a co-worker, after all, it is a professional setup, and you have a career to look forward to!

4) Keep Compassion in your Heart!

Say the following to yourself before you encounter anyone at office,

Pick your battles wisely, as reacting over every other thing you hear reduces your energy for the next task. Think about the bigger picture and bear compassion for everyone you encounter at your workplace, including your boss. Remember, he/she is placed against you for a reason, learn what is there to learn, and grow bigger in life.

5) Close Open Loops!

Famous author and efficiency-expert David Allen, in his GTD (Getting Things Done) Theory talks about the importance of closing down the open loops of your mind. The theory refers to the significance of shutting down the thoughts that nag you and reduce your efficiency. Be it a feared encounter with your boss, or a possible uncomfortable situation, certain fears keep your mind busy and reduce your work potential. Close those loops through communication and action!

Conflicts at workplace can harm your capability and keep you from finishing your goals.

Resolve them with these simple strategies and refrain from being the Falcon in your life. Remember, the law of attraction is constantly working. Your workplace is an essential part of your universe.

Stay tuned to my upcoming blogs where I shall talk in detail about numerous ways to resolve conflicts in relationships.

Till then, Enjoy your Work! Stay Healthy and Stress-free!

“The truth is that the universe has been answering you all of your life, but you cannot receive the answers unless you are awake.”

Rhonda Bryne in her masterpiece ‘The Secret’ articulately gives out the message that the universe answers every time you showcase your deep desire for something worthwhile or of extensive value.

However, what exactly is meant by ‘worthwhile’?   

Does the Law of Attraction work only for a few people?

Let’s try to decode the answers to such questions through a sneak peek into the Dos as well as Don’ts to make the law work for you.  

But before I begin with the specifics of Dos and Don’ts, let’s take a moment to recollect the Harry Potter series (You might wonder why I suddenly took a diversion!). Although the Potter series is widely considered children’s fiction, the characters in J.K. Rowling’s work often end up teaching the audience certain valuable tenets about the universe, in their own sweet magical way!

Albus Dumbledore, in ‘Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets’ tells Harry, “Help will always be given at Hogwarts, Harry, to those who ask for it. I've always prized myself on my ability to turn a phrase. Words are…an inexhaustible source of magic…capable of both inflicting injury and remedying it.”

Replace ‘Hogwarts’ with ‘the Universe’ and it works in tandem with the Law of Attraction!

With this quote in mind, let’s focus upon the Dos or the ‘Must Haves’ for the law to work:

1) Understand the Concept of Alignment!

Tuning is necessary, as much in your life, as in a musical instrument. A musical instrument, if out of tune, produces noise. The law will never work for you if you’re not aligned with the universe. Wishing to reduce 50pounds of weight and sitting idle on the couch for long hours do not go together!

Why does the Law not work for some people? Simply, because they’re not ready for it. Either, various conditions in their lives are not suitable for their wishes to come true, or their actions are not being made in the right direction.

2) Visualize your Desires!

A friend of mine needed certain amount of money. Here’s a snippet from our conversation:

He diligently followed the advice, demonstrating an unshakeable faith that he will be able to go forward with his mother’s treatment. Within a couple of months, he received a cheque worth the amount sufficient for the treatment! These were the dues from his previous job which were now cleared after a year.

Visualization is required in order to realise your desires.

3) Know your Energy Field (‘Vibe’)!

Every human being possesses an aura around itself, and its creation depends on the individual’s thoughts and beliefs to a great extent. The journey towards finding visible proof for energy fields began back in 1970s with the conduction of Kirlian photography experiments. Science, by now, has successfully been able to prove the importance of human mind and its connection with energy fields. These fields are the ‘vibes’ we get when we meet a certain person or enter a certain room.

 Your success entirely depends on the vibe you give out as the universe responds to you accordingly. Psychiatrist and author, Dr Judith Orloff, devised a term ‘energy vampires’, defining those who constantly dwell in negativity and are stuck in the clock and hence carry a heavily negative vibe around them. Their negativity repels the people in their universe and also, all the possibilities of success.

Let us now focus upon the Don’ts:

1) Harbouring Impatience and Doubt in your Mind!

Have you ever thought about considering the Universe as another person altogether?  The minute you show distrust in a person in your vicinity, their trust on you is shaken. The more impatient you are, the more delayed is the awaited task. Do not harbour any doubt, whatsoever! Trust the universe!

2) Self-Centric Desires!

Ask yourself the following question every time you wish for something:

“Why should the Universe give this to me? How will the Universe benefit from my desires?”

Remember, the universe includes people, as well as the nature around you. It demands the answers as to how shall you put to action whatever it provides you with. If you demand money to harm the universe, it shall never fulfil your desires.

3) Extracting Pleasure from Pains of the Past!

I touched upon the concept of the power centre in my previous blog. Choices from the negative power centre, and constant discussions of low moments from your past drag you down in the present.

Put a check as soon as you realise that you’re enjoying the discussions from the past! Ask yourself: “Am I doing it for sympathy or validation?”

Remember, as Dumbledore said to Harry, “Words...are a source of magic”. Words have significant power and frequency. In case the frequency of the negative words matches with the universe, you’ve pulled the reverse gear!

Law of Attraction is somewhere in between the mysteries of magic and those of reality. Its thorough understanding can do wonders for you. Apply it in your life wisely and achieve boundless success with its help!

Stay tuned to my video series for further clarity on the Law of Attraction!

Till then, Stay Positive! Stay Healthy and Stress-free!  

In the first part of this blog – Bridge the Gap in the Relationship with your Parents – last week, I expanded the word Family.

“Father and Mother, I Love You”. One of my favorite words, ‘Family’ represents the true spirit of my relationship with my parents!  

Over the years, I have realized a vital fact of my existence:  

As I move ahead in life, my parents slow down – the essence of our relationship is in the bridge that has grown stronger yet flexible, higher yet reachable, lightweight but wide enough for us to walk side by side and long enough where I can refer to the past and look at the future without letting go of their hands.  

With this recap, here is the second and last part of the story.   

My busy, crazy life had been going on for about 8 months now and then it was my mother’s birthday – her 72nd! It was a weekday and a few days before the D-Day, I applied for a day off. I drove down to their house early morning to celebrate but my mother insisted she wanted the day to be a quiet one – she only wanted to be around her husband and son.  

I will be honest – I was so happy within!! This was Universe helping me, so I could bridge the gap in our relationship. I decided to do what I would do for her birthday when I was an adolescent i.e. 

1. Cook her a special dish from a recipe book – she is an excellent cook but how she would shower praises over me! I would feel full just listening to her praises!! 
2. As a family, browse through old family albums – earlier it was photos of my parents growing up. Now it would be photos of my childhood and adolescence.  
3. Listen to my mother sing – it was such a bliss when it would play in the background almost like a hymn as I would go about doing my stuff.  
4. Talk to my father about current affairs – Oh, he loves to talk about the political and administrative situations across the world. I would love to listen to his views – a perfect blend of the old and the new.  
5. Lastly, sit next to them and watch an old movie – a movie that would be my mother’s favorite. We used to do this when I was growing up where I would lap up those 2 hours, away from my books and in the warmth of my parents’ love.
   

On my mother’s birthday I did just that – despite my mother’s protests (she wanted me to rest, so I could recharge myself for the coming days in the office). I told her, “Your presence next to me is enough to charge me up.” The day went like a dream except I was dreaming with my eyes wide open, in awareness and in gratitude. After all,  

• I was in the company of those who held me for the first time when I entered this world.  

• I was in the company of those who spent the prime of their lives providing for me 
• I was in the company of those who have helped develop my critical faculty so I could survive and excel in the world 
• I was in the company of the those who would only give and never expect anything in return 
• I was in the company of those who were child-like but loving enough to put my interests and dreams ahead of their wants.
  

My mother’s 72nd birthday was one of the best days of my life in a long, long time – I had rediscovered the source of my happiness. As the river of my life charted its course and gathered silt and gems on the way, its point of origin stood just as where it was when my journey started – pure, selfless, firm, strong, focused and melting itself way to create the river. 

I am like you – I never realized how this modern, busy world sucked me into its whirlpool hurling me up involuntarily at times to gasp for some air. When I would suck in the air, I would struggle to find solace in everything around me. I was slowly slipping away from my parents.  

I am sure all of us ask this question to ourselves: “How do I bridge the gap in the relationship with my parents?” It is a 2-step process: 

Step 1: Dive Deep into Your Mind and Resolve Any Conflicts you have with your parents – you can only fix when you are at peace with yourself:  

1. List your conflicting situations or challenges with your parents.  
2. Now take one challenge or conflict at a time and contemplate how it started.  
3. Without getting emotional, get into your parents’ shoes – as if you are them and talking to your children. Go back in time and look at the situation keeping their circumstances in mind. 
4. Did they really want to hurt you? OR they only had your betterment in their minds? You will find that most of the time it was the latter. 
5. You will appreciate that their intentions were good, but maybe they were expressing it strongly. In this case, forgive them. This will mend your relationship. Ask for forgiveness for your own hurtful behaviour towards them.  
6. In some cases, your parents’ behaviour could be the result of their behavior patterns or habits. We all know how difficult it is to change our own habits. This understanding makes it easy to forgive them for their behavioural patterns and habits. This also gives a learning so you don’t become a catalyst to provoke these patterns in them.  

Step 2: Get in Touch:  

1. Pick Up The Phone, Drive Down: Start calling your parents periodically and visit them occasionally.  
2. Say ‘Thank You’: Express your thanks for all the good that they have given you.  
3. Ear Time For Them: Give them a listening ear, showing genuine interest in what is going on in their lives. This gives you common topics to converse. 
4. I Care: Be compassionate towards them. They took care of you when you were vulnerable and helpless.   

Yes, you are the river that has moved ahead from its origin, but you are still connected. It is the constant melting of the glacier that keeps the river flowing – it would dry up otherwise. Yes, the rains can feed the river but that is occasional – for you to be the perennial river, the glacier keeps melting. For you to thrive and prosper, your parents love and blessings are the life force.  

If you want to mend your relationships and be stress-free, the one-of-a-kind Stress Masters Program will surely guide you to break free from the Stresshold

Keep the Child Alive in you. You will feel Blessed, Healthy and Stress-free!!

Thinking through the title – “How To Bridge the gap in your relationship with your parents” for this blog, it dawned on me – expand the word Family and a meaning emerges – “Father and Mother, I Love You”. The word represents the true spirit of my relationship with my parents!

Before I start, I must tell you that going forward, to add some flavor to my storytelling and in this ages of ‘seasons’, I will be presenting my blogs in 2 part-series. This will not only give you an edge on your time management, but it will also keep the excitement alive over the week for the next part. Let us start:

Over the years, I have realized a vital fact of my existence:

As I move ahead in life, my parents slow down – the essence of our relationship is in the bridge that has grown stronger yet flexible, higher yet reachable, lightweight but wide enough for us to walk side by side and long enough where I can refer to the past and look at the future without letting go of their hands.

I had bought my first house and it was a moment of pride for my parents. They were going around telling everyone how happy they were that their child had achieved this milestone so early in his life. Everyone I met in my large extended family would talk about what my parents were telling them about me! This surprised me. My parents were not the overly expressive kinds and as I was growing up, I had not seen them share much about their personal lives in their circle of friends. So, this was something new for me – a rare display of their emotions. As I watched my emotions in this array, a warmth spread through me – the warmth of love, being wanted, sheltered and the child-like joy.

The ‘wow’ moment for me was the realization that these feelings were the same as what I felt when I was a child – holding their hands with my little fingers trying to learn the ways of life. Every achievement was a pat on the back. Every error or slip was a reassuring hand on my head. The realization struck me – I was still their ‘child’ and I could afford to be child-like in their company. I was living the life of an adult across all my relationships – the two people who gave me the freedom to be a child were my parents.

My father is now in his late 70s while my mother in her early 70s – they are:

1. Retired from the standard busy life and its dynamics
2. Full-time employees of this company called ‘Leisure’
3. Mellowed down on their display of ‘sharp’ emotions
4. Relatively slower – physically and mentally
5. Happy to wait while I sort out my world outside

I remember this instance when I was working almost 14hours a day (including weekends) on a critical project – this meant I would hardly get to see them or talk to them as our active hours would not match. By the time, I would be free from work, it would be too late for them and the mornings would never allow me the time where I could call them or pay them a visit. To top this up, I was traveling on business once a fortnight for a few days. While I so wanted to go and see them, I was too tired in the time left outside office and would hope to recharge myself with activities that I loved doing. My busy life had started to build a gap in my relationship with my parents.

However, in all these extremely busy months, not once did my parents complain. In fact, whenever I would call them up for a quick chat, they would only ask about my health, progress of my work and tell me not to worry about them – and that they were fine. As I spoke to them, I would feel calm and secure but the only feelings I was left with after these calls were gratitude and a sense of loneliness.

1. Gratitude, as my parents were not ‘adding’ to the pressure. They were only helping me calm down – they were like the mobile fast-chargers who would uplift my mood and energy with just a few minutes of conversation.
2. Sense of Loneliness, as the moment I would disconnect the phone, I would crave to stay cocooned in the earlier feeling of calmness and security. The feeling of being a child, whose parents were the umbrella that protected him from the harsh sun and the beating rain.

I was struggling to find that moment when I could make the U-turn and reach out to my parents’ for solace. I had to rebuild this aspect to bridge the gap in my relationship with my parents. And since I was looking desperately, the Universe helped.

Watch out for the second part of this blog to hear my story and get tips that will help you rebuild the bridge…

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Keep the Child Alive in you. You will feel Blessed, Healthy and Stress-free!!

Arun and Vidya, two high-achieving individuals were married amidst much pomp and splendour. They had only met briefly in social gatherings earlier and were just acquaintances when they got married. Everybody was assured that they will work their way from Marriage to Love over the course of their lives.

However, as they started living together, with the office pressures and multiple priorities, problems started to emerge. Each of them had a perception of what and how their partner should be. After two years into the marriage, they mutually decided that it was not working, and it was best they separated.

I happened to be in their city on business and decided to stay with them over the week that I was in the city. I was meeting them after years and while I had heard about their problems in our friends’ circles, I had not discussed this with either of them.

As I entered their house, the first thing I noticed was how beautifully decorated it was – almost representing the irony of their relationship – the house portraying the dream that they started with – hand-picked, exclusive, delicate and every artefact in the right place. However, the soul had gone missing – a house becomes a home when the warmth of the relationships transforms the energy that resides within. Arun and Vidya welcomed me with open hearts and I saw a brief glimpse of a ‘couple’ in their smiles. It was almost as if, they were surprised that one of their friends had chosen to pay them a visit without judging them on their personal turmoils. I settled in – as I saw a couple welcoming me and not two individual friends.

The three of us would get up to go to our respective offices and would be back together by early evening. We would all work together in the kitchen, helping out Vidya and talking about life in general. Arun spoke about his work, the challenges he was facing while Vidya was excited about the promotion that seemed to be coming through. However, what surprised me was the fact that Vidya gave Arun a look that conveyed her expectation that she would have hoped Arun had shared his office problems with her earlier. Arun had gone quiet. Vidya took this moment and pitched in to mention how Arun was putting in so much effort at his workplace and the results were not coming through. Arun gave a deep sigh and cast Vidya a fleeting glance as a soft, pensive look crossed his face.

This is what I was hoping would be the subtle hint of the possibilities that lay buried amidst the disappointments, regrets and sadness in the house. A few discussions with them individually over my stay made the root cause of the issue clear:

1. They seemed to be spending a lot of quality time by themselves focussing on their individual growth.
2. The young career that they were nurturing had cut themselves from their partner and from the world.
3. Both considered his / her passion and work and interests as being the centre of the world and were pursuing that with zeal.
4. Their approach had resulted in them spending less and less time with each other and thus, had started to believe that they had nothing in common.
5. The social pressure was not helping either – Society were less empathetic to the situation and advices to ‘stay in the marriage’ added to the pressure.

I concluded to myself: All the stress in their personal and professional lives had put a strain on their relationship. A vicious cycle had developed where Arun was starting to have issues at work which were partly caused by the situation at home and the home situation was getting worse because of his work pressure. Vidya tried her best to manage her office and take care of the house in the hope that Arun would appreciate her efforts. With Arun pre-occupied at home, she slowly started to let go of her expectations from the relation.

Over dinner that night, we spoke more about their day to day lives – and we realized how the group energy was shifting to a more settling and homely atmosphere. They were not only receptive to this realization but at the same time realized that the bond of care was still intact.

The house energy started shifting immediately as it started feeling like I was talking to two friends who were receptive and comfortable with each other. Over the course of the next few days, I realized that Arun had a passion for storytelling while Vidya had a way with words which were effortless and straight from her heart. The passion towards this activity shown on their faces. I said, “Why don’t you join book-writing classes together and collaborate for a book? Yes, it will take a few months to compile the writings, but you can do this as two people sharing common interests.” They found this a good idea – as it was like getting into a partnership, supported by respective strengths. They agreed also in the hope that the next few months would bring some fun in their lives with this common objective.

A few months later, I came down to the city on my second business trip and was invited to stay over again. I entered their home – yes, their home and not a house. They told me that the writing classes were working wonders, they were doing something together that they both enjoyed, and this had now become a bridge in their relationship. They had started spending more quality time together and they had found a new perspective to their relationship. They were now discussing the book they were penning together, their respective offices, their household and life in general – they looked like a team!

In our world where both partners are individuals with financial independence, it needs a perspective where there is a conscious attempt to see what the other person brings into your life. Daily activities and common interests like exercising, TV shows, movies, books, helping in household chores etc. can sustain a relationship in the short-term, but a common goal acts as the wind beneath the relationship’s wings, as it provides the life purpose.

The key to this theory is: Both partners must develop the passion towards this common goal. No goal is too small, and no goal is too big. When two people work together on the same goal, the results come twice as fast with half the effort.

A few goals listed below are divergent in their outcome but unify the parties involved

• Buying your dream home
• Buying the dream car
• World touring
• Writing a book
• Starting a business
• Walking the path of self-realization
• Working on a social cause …

This Defines Relationship Progression and

1. Keeps the Relationship alive and kicking: Since the activity becomes a portal to understanding your partner
2. Makes the relationship complimentary: you achieve your goal in less time and with less effort
3. Mutual respect keeps growing: As you discover your partner’s strengths, the respect for one another grows
4. Develops compassion and empathy for one another: The relationship moves from “All about Me” to “What I can do for Thy”. This is a paradigm shift that allows love to flow in.
5. Manages Stress: A feeling of oneness leads to happiness in the relationship as one looks forward to meeting his / her partner. This is a ‘Life Saving Drug’ for Stress and its symptoms.
6. As you grow together, you look forward to creating the next goal together and the cycle goes on…

Remember “Love is not just about gazing at each other but looking together in the same direction.”

Achieve Your Goals Together to Stay Healthy and Stress-free!!