"There is not a word yet, for old friends who've just met" - Jim Henson
‘Brother from another mother’; ’Bestie’; ‘Cobber’, or ‘Buddy’, so many different ways to name a heartfelt bond of friendship! Cultures change, the importance of fruitful relationships remains the same.
I’m sure you must have, sometime or the other in your life, met someone and felt as if you’ve known them for years! Some people click in an instant, and the others might take years to open up to each other. In the end, all what matters is a beautiful bond of friendship that blooms with time.
Some of you might have been interested in the concept of soulmates! On digging deep, we realize that ‘the soulmate theory’ is not limited to romantic relationships. Famous American psychiatrist Brian Weiss, through his varied works in the same field came to a conclusion that in one life, one person may have numerous soulmates; some might never meet, some people might get married to one of their soulmates, some might be parents or children to their soulmates and some might just end up being the best of friends.
How interesting is the thought that your friend might in fact be your soulmate!
But, does this statement idealize the relationship in your head? Every relationship, no matter how strong it is, is never really a cakewalk. As they say, change is the only constant, relationships along with personalities themselves, are bound to transform over time. Things may turn extremely sour, or turbulent; what matters is how you deal with the same.
According to me, the sole reason that acts as damage to the foundation of friendship or any relationship is quivers in the structure of loyalty. Every relationship is based on love as well as truth. Before I get into the ways to deal with conflicts in friendships, let me pen down a story of the Greek legend, Socrates, who was known to be the most knowledgeable entities of all time!
In ancient Greece, once a man came to Socrates, excited to tell him something he recently learnt about Socrates’ friend. Before he vented it out, Socrates asked him to pass his Triple Filter Test. Shocked and confused, the man asked Socrates that why does he have to pass a test? Socrates humbly replied, “Before you talk to me about my friend, it might be a good idea to take a moment and filter what you’re going to say.”
The man, still confused, asked him what he was supposed to do. Socrates delineated three criteria before listening to the ‘gossip’ the man was about to share.
- Truthfulness
Socrates asked the man, “Are you sure what you’re going to tell me is the truth?” The man replied negatively, saying he wasn’t very sure, since he’d heard it through another person altogether.
- Goodness
Socrates asked the man, “Are you going to tell me something good about my friend?” The man replied negatively, again.
- Usefulness
Socrates asked the man, “Whatever you’re going to tell me, is it going to be useful for me?” The man replied negatively, yet again.
Here, Socrates refused to listen to the man. “If what you want to tell me is neither true nor good nor even useful, why tell it to me at all?” Socrates concluded.
The story, however, does not advocate blind trust. Wisdom is the key to maintaining good relationships.
Following are the elements that will eliminate conflicts in friendships.
#1 Nil score on Betrayal
Are you enjoying weaving or entertaining stories about your friend which are not entirely true? If yes, you’re misleading yourself and your friend. Put a check upon yourself before it is too late. However, do not keep yourself from being truthful about your feelings. Your opinion matters for your friendship, and communication is the key to work out everything.
#2 Find the Time
As harsh as it sounds, relationships need to be watered if you genuinely want them to bloom. It does not matter how frequently you see your friend. Keeping in touch has numerous other ways. Think about sending them an inspirational gift sometime, it is one way of letting your friend know that they’re always in your thoughts! Remember to appreciate your friend’s presence in your life. Spending too much time together can also be annoying at times; as they say, absence makes the heart grow fonder.
#3 No room for Jealousy
Beautiful relationships go hand in hand with the urge to grow together. If your friend’s promotion hurts you more than it makes you happy, you need to re-think upon your bond with them. If as a friend, they’ve been comfortable sharing with you their deep dark secrets, they should also be comfortable enough to share their success stories as well as their failures.
#4 Ensure you are in Good Company
“What is your friend that you should seek him with hours to kill? Seek him always with hours to live."
- Kahlil Gibran (The Prophet)
True friend helps you get over your anxiety and fears, encourages you and shows you the better path. Recognize the energy you share with your friend. Ask yourself if you’re creating positivity or negativity out of the hours you spend together. Remember, friendships help you grow into a better human being. In case, you’re regressing, it is better to talk it out, or take a step back.
Friendship has the ability to shape your life. Work towards keeping the correct people in your life, and in decisive times, keep the Triple Filter Test in your mind.
Stay tuned for my next blog on societal conflicts.
Till then, Cherish the blessings of Friendship! Stay Healthy and Stress-free!
