Did you know “Brain Fog Can Be Put to Rest Forever”.

At times, our brain feels razor sharp – cutting through every challenge, every task, every instance in life. And then there are times when the brain feels blunt and heavy – almost like it cannot even take the weight of a feather. Why this swing? Are there easy tips that guarantee a sharp, alert brain? Listen to this video and try out the tips…

Sleep well, Stay Healthy and Stress-free!!

Thinking through the title – “How To Bridge the gap in your relationship with your parents” for this blog, it dawned on me – expand the word Family and a meaning emerges – “Father and Mother, I Love You”. The word represents the true spirit of my relationship with my parents!

Before I start, I must tell you that going forward, to add some flavor to my storytelling and in this ages of ‘seasons’, I will be presenting my blogs in 2 part-series. This will not only give you an edge on your time management, but it will also keep the excitement alive over the week for the next part. Let us start:

Over the years, I have realized a vital fact of my existence:

As I move ahead in life, my parents slow down – the essence of our relationship is in the bridge that has grown stronger yet flexible, higher yet reachable, lightweight but wide enough for us to walk side by side and long enough where I can refer to the past and look at the future without letting go of their hands.

I had bought my first house and it was a moment of pride for my parents. They were going around telling everyone how happy they were that their child had achieved this milestone so early in his life. Everyone I met in my large extended family would talk about what my parents were telling them about me! This surprised me. My parents were not the overly expressive kinds and as I was growing up, I had not seen them share much about their personal lives in their circle of friends. So, this was something new for me – a rare display of their emotions. As I watched my emotions in this array, a warmth spread through me – the warmth of love, being wanted, sheltered and the child-like joy.

The ‘wow’ moment for me was the realization that these feelings were the same as what I felt when I was a child – holding their hands with my little fingers trying to learn the ways of life. Every achievement was a pat on the back. Every error or slip was a reassuring hand on my head. The realization struck me – I was still their ‘child’ and I could afford to be child-like in their company. I was living the life of an adult across all my relationships – the two people who gave me the freedom to be a child were my parents.

My father is now in his late 70s while my mother in her early 70s – they are:

1. Retired from the standard busy life and its dynamics
2. Full-time employees of this company called ‘Leisure’
3. Mellowed down on their display of ‘sharp’ emotions
4. Relatively slower – physically and mentally
5. Happy to wait while I sort out my world outside

I remember this instance when I was working almost 14hours a day (including weekends) on a critical project – this meant I would hardly get to see them or talk to them as our active hours would not match. By the time, I would be free from work, it would be too late for them and the mornings would never allow me the time where I could call them or pay them a visit. To top this up, I was traveling on business once a fortnight for a few days. While I so wanted to go and see them, I was too tired in the time left outside office and would hope to recharge myself with activities that I loved doing. My busy life had started to build a gap in my relationship with my parents.

However, in all these extremely busy months, not once did my parents complain. In fact, whenever I would call them up for a quick chat, they would only ask about my health, progress of my work and tell me not to worry about them – and that they were fine. As I spoke to them, I would feel calm and secure but the only feelings I was left with after these calls were gratitude and a sense of loneliness.

1. Gratitude, as my parents were not ‘adding’ to the pressure. They were only helping me calm down – they were like the mobile fast-chargers who would uplift my mood and energy with just a few minutes of conversation.
2. Sense of Loneliness, as the moment I would disconnect the phone, I would crave to stay cocooned in the earlier feeling of calmness and security. The feeling of being a child, whose parents were the umbrella that protected him from the harsh sun and the beating rain.

I was struggling to find that moment when I could make the U-turn and reach out to my parents’ for solace. I had to rebuild this aspect to bridge the gap in my relationship with my parents. And since I was looking desperately, the Universe helped.

Watch out for the second part of this blog to hear my story and get tips that will help you rebuild the bridge…

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Keep the Child Alive in you. You will feel Blessed, Healthy and Stress-free!!

Today’s world has developed a few unique attributes that seem to be the backbone of survival.

The mantras you would hear all around you are “Use your Mind, Don’t be Blind”,  “Your Intellect is your best friend”, “Use your head, Be selective with your heart”, “Stay sharp and alert”. What is the end result – yes, we achieve what we set out to achieve (at least most of the time) but pay a price for it – we feel burnt out, stressed all the time and realize after a while that this has taken a toll on our body and mind.

Simply put, we achieve our dreams today by paying the price called ‘Stress’. If you draw out a balance sheet of our lifestyle, the liabilities side tends to look heavier to the assets – you would agree, I am sure.

Some of the symptoms of staying in your mind (in normal parlance, we call it the brain) all the time are: 

• A tendency to curb your heart and over-rule it with your brain while taking a decision – while the work gets done, it does not seem to leave you entirely happy or satisfied. In fact, you feel sapped out at times.  
• Emotions tend to run high and whenever situations do not turn out in your favour you feel stressed, anxious and disappointed. 
• Sense of loneliness and isolation– despite being with your social circle. 
• Feeling victimized with losses in life – Sense of judgement for self and others around you. 
• Opting for quick fixes– like reaching out for medications to ease physical discomfort, sleeplessness, mood swings, stiff muscles and joints. 

I have been a victim of this wave too. Yes, I call myself a victim here. You will wonder and ask “Why? Isn’t survival a primary need?” I say “Yes, absolutely!”, as I am no different from any of us. Survival is key to human existence but then why do I call myself a victim?

I have been a banker for the most part of my professional career and hence, my survival out there was all about logic, analysis, argument, debate, competition, risks and uncertainties. My logical mind supported me so well through the 16 odd years that I forgot I also had an emotional side to myself.

There were a few instances in my career when I faced a few disappointments like not getting the expected promotion or got a reduced bonus or not getting the dream job or a difficult boss or an unsatisfactory job profile.

I also had a few instances when I tasted success like bagging the dream job or a hefty pay raise or a bonus that looked like a small fortune or back to back promotions or a great team to work with.

As I started becoming a seasoned professional, I also learnt the ‘trick’ of contemplating. Here I would analyze these ups and downs in my professional life and convince myself that the successes were due to my hard work, smartness, dedication and well-planned strategy but the failures were because of external factors which I could not control! Does this ring a bell?

Life felt good but as I completed 17 years in my career, I started to experience the symptoms of restlessness, anxiety, loneliness and insecurity as if life was slipping past my fingers like dry sand!! There was a sense of incompleteness bordering loss of precious time.

This is when I was introduced to the Master who taught me the art of balancing the worldly ways with your inner (self) development. Simply put, he taught me the mantra “Use your brain, but always take your heart along”.

This was only possible when I opened my heart and gave it that strength and power, so it walks hand in hand with my brain – thus enabling me to make balanced decisions in life – both personal and professional. I realized that this was the only path to enjoying life to its fullest.

I surrendered and asked my Master “How do I open my heart? How do I stop being a slave of my mind?”

And, He introduced me to MEDITATION.

I will be honest – I was nervous and felt tired just picturising sitting and doing ‘nothing’. However, the excitement of walking this new path propelled me…

He is an enlightened Master and I could not have found anybody better to introduce me to the technique. He taught me step-by-step, patiently explaining the experience I was having at every stage and encouraging me to continue practising without any expectations. It takes a Master to teach you meditation so I will refrain from teaching meditation but I can definitely share with you my experience as a student.

How did I start? 

1. I changed my mental frame and outlook:

• Acceptance – that worldly happiness is superficial and dependent on external factors
• Awareness – that I can only do what I can. Success and Failure is not in my hands.
• Realize – that I am a slave of my mind/brain and till my heart opens, stress will be my constant companion
• Search – for an enlightened Master who guides me on a new path
• Surrender – to the technique that the Master teaches
• Practice without judging – the results

1. Cleared my schedule to make time for meditation every day
2. Promised myself that I will be a dedicated student
3. Learnt – with all the focus, attention and eagerness
4. Practised – as if my life depended on it

How did I transform? Dramatically and forever. 

1. My Awareness increased manifold– I am so aware of my breath now and every time I find myself in a challenging or critical situation, focussing on my breath keeps me away from stress
2. Developed a Non-Judgemental outlook towards everyone and everything– I now look at things as they are and practice this state of mind every moment and every day.
3. Appreciating what I have and Accepting what I don’t– As I started counting my blessings, the challenges seemed smaller every time. This has given me renewed energy to deal with a situation without stressing myself out.
4. Accepting people as they are and making conscious choices– I was not wasting energy analysing the instances when someone disappointed me. This left me with an energy surplus all the time.
5. Found a best friend in myself– the more I looked within, I found that I could have handled a situation better. Since the key was in my hand to maintain my peace within, I am now the master of my destiny.
6. Feeling healthier, stress-free, happy and light– now with my energy getting channelled in the ‘right’ things, my physical and mental state follow me to support me in whatever I do.

What do you need to do? Do what I did.

• Accept that you do not want to live in stress and that there is a handy solution to this problem
• Find a Master who can teach you meditation in its truest form
• Be a good student while learning
• Be an even better student while practising
• Make time for meditation in your diary EVERY DAY
• Fix a clean place to sit comfortably – mark this space as your Meditation spot
• The best time is early morning between 5 am and 6 am or evening just after dusk.
• The best state is when you are not very tired or sleepy and your stomach is not too full
• Contemplate on your actions of the past 24 hours without biases – your next day will be automatically better
• Practice Group meditation (if possible) once a week – the group energy gives exponential results

Apart from these life-transforming benefits, meditation learnt right and practised daily will also give you some tangible benefits almost immediately: 

• You’ll sleep better. 
• You’ll lower your blood pressure. 
• You will better handle stressful situations. 
• Meditation decreases depression and anxiety. 
• Meditation helps to relieve pain. 
• You’ll boost your immune system. 
• The “little things” won’t upset you the way they usually do.  
• Meditation helps to boost your memory and ability to focus and learn. 
• You’ll feel calmer throughout your day. 
• It can help you quit smoking and other addictive behaviours.
• Meditation can reduce your risk of a heart attack. 
• Some researchers believe meditation can even protect against Alzheimer’s and Dementia. 
• Meditation can help you manage grief. 
• Meditation can help you feel inspired in new ways. It literally reshapes your brain. 

So, include Meditation in your regime and start today with learning it right.

Till I see you with another topic – Enjoy Life, Stay Healthy and Stress-Free – 

Have you ever woken up in the morning and felt a profound lack of motivation and joy for the day? Does the very act of waking up and brushing your teeth or getting ready for work drag you down? Do you feel you are doing the same thing over and over again? We all experience these moments from time to time due to stress.

Some of the symptoms of not being able to enjoy life are:

• The simple act of waking up and going through the day feels burdensome
• Feeling of pointlessness
• Inability to look forward to the day ahead
• Personal relationships weighing you down

What if I told you that there is an effective fix for this? And, it is fun! Just the mere thought of it fills you with lots of joy and happiness!

This friend of yours is called EXERCISE!! Exercising is so good that it can change your perspective on life. Working out releases endorphins that make you feel good – secretion of endorphins leads to feelings of euphoria, modulation of appetite, the release of sex hormones and enhancement of the immune response. With high endorphin levels, we feel less pain and fewer negative effects of stress.

Is there a recipe here for the exercise? No – Any form of exercise is good.

• Playing a sport
• Working out in the gym
• Yoga practice in the morning
• A stroll in a park, a run or a walk of 30 – 40 minutes
• Swimming

The above can do wonders.

Let me tell you a story that made me realize the importance of exercise.

I was in a high-pressure job with a bank and I was doing 15 – 16-hour work days. This gifted me a weight gain of 15 kgs, a sense of high stress and life felt like a burden. This is when I met a friend who played squash. His game partner had not turned up and he asked me to come along and try playing with him as a one-off. I grudgingly agreed and dragged myself to the game and was already looking at my watch as I entered the court. As I was 10 minutes into the game, I was already panting, struggling, stumbling and was quite a spectacle. But I surprised myself! I was ENJOYING IT!!

At the end of an hour, I booked myself in for the next game with him and as I reached home, my wife exclaimed: “You look happy!”. I could not believe that just an amateur game of squash had made this difference.

I started playing (and learning) over the next few weeks and to better my game, I started cycling. In about 3 months, I found my strength, stamina and physical well-being improving. This had an all-around effect on my life – I started performing better at work and was more engaging and joyful when I was at home. I thank my friend every single day as I continue my exercise regime – if not for him, I would never have walked through the door! In a year’s time, I had become healthier by 10kgs, my trousers fitted me better and I felt so confident. This “Good-Feeling” from my exercise has also translated into all the other areas of my life and I find myself happy and looking forward to what a new day brings to me.

So, exercising is easy once you get to it – but how do you get yourself to start? I was lucky with my friend – maybe you will too – but what if one of you does not find the friend who needs a squash partner? The challenge one needs to overcome is the INERTIA that prevents us from starting the exercise regime. Your mind will find a thousand reasons to defer exercising but guess what? There are a million reasons that will encourage you to start exercising! All you will need to do is to open this door and walk in. Here are some ideas that can help with breaking that inertia:

• START SMALL: Maybe 15 – 30 minutes per day and then slowly step it up. The goal is to reach about 45mins – 1 hour every day. This is the optimal exercise time.
• PICK A FRIEND or work out with your partner/spouse. This is a great motivator as it allows you to bond and spend that extra time with your near and dear ones.
• PICK A SPORT: Sometimes mundane exercising can be boring for some. Sport is a great alternative. Sports like Squash, Tennis, Swimming, Table Tennis or Football are great options – take your pick! Most cities have these sports facilities – all you have to do is google and enrol! Added benefit? You get to make new friends.

Apart from making you happy, exercising:

• Improves sleep quality, increases energy levels and reduces stress.
• Significantly reduces symptoms of mental illness, including depression and anxiety
• Helps maintain physical fitness and well-being
• Improves self-confidence
• Stimulates chemicals that improve your mood
• Improves memory and concentration by stimulating parts of the brain responsible for memory and learning
• Helps people recover from conditions of stroke and other illnesses

I really believe it is high time we change the popular saying to “Exercise a day keeps the doctor away”

What do you need to do to defeat stress and to enjoy life?

1. Create and follow a schedule that makes time for exercise every day.
2. Follow the schedule with passion, enthusiasm and discipline
3. Ensure you consult your physician before you pick up a form of exercising – this will ensure complete assurance in your mind about safety and well-being
4. Try and make exercise a group event – start with your family. It is just easier and more fun!
5. Listen to your body ALWAYS! Don’t overdo – your body will signal you when you are done for the day. Stay aware.

So, start exercising now and experience how you start enjoying everything that life offers to you.

Till I see you with my next thoughts – Enjoy Life, Stay Healthy and Stress-Free!